Talking Turkey Can Still Get You A Refund

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and to our surprise we see a customer holding what appears to be a huge ball of aluminum foil. She is visibly upset as she approaches our customer service desk.)

Coworker: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: *slams the huge ball of aluminum foil on the desk* “You guys sold me a bad turkey!”

(She opens up the ball of aluminum foil to reveal the turkey bones of her last night Thanksgiving meal — ONLY the bones.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but when I finished preparing and cooking it, it didn’t taste good.”

Coworker: *looks down at the bones with confusion and disbelief* “Where’s the turkey?”

Customer: “Are you stupid? It’s right here!” *pointing to the bones*

Coworker: “Yeah, but where’s the meat?”

Customer: “We ate it last night; now, are you going to help me or not?!”

Coworker: “So, let me get this straight. You bought a turkey from us that you prepared yourself, and cooked yourself, and you didn’t like how it tasted, and now you want to return it?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

(In genuine disbelief at how absurd the customer was being, my coworker called a manager to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, because of our “customer is always right ” policy, not only did the customer get a full refund, but she got a brand new turkey, AND the personal phone number of the store chef so that he could talk her through the steps on how to PROPERLY prepare and cook a turkey.)

Carting Off All The Crazy Customers

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(A coworker that works as a “carry out,” meaning he helps customers out with heavy items and gathers carts, comes in shaking his head and giving me his famous, “You’re not going to believe me,” expression. It is mildly busy. Keep in mind that we get a lot of soccer moms in the store, as well as elderly people.)

Me: “What happened?” *dreading this answer*

Coworker: “Someone parked inside the cart corral.”

Me: “Again?” *this happens a lot*

Coworker: “It gets better… There are at least five or six carts in that corral.”

Me: “Are you f****** serious?”

Coworker: *calls our head manager about it*

(The licence is announced over the store speakers. It gets better still…)

Me: “Dare I ask how?”

Coworker: “There is someone in the car. An adult… not a kid.”

(We tell our manager and the customer comes up. They’re in their late 30s or early 40s.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, but your car is in our cart corral; you need to move it.”

Customer: “Why? I’m not blocking anyone. Besides, I have someone waiting for me.”

Manager: “It is in our cart corral. It’s blocking my employees outside from doing their job. Please move it, immediately.”

Customer: “I’m shopping!”

Manager: “Please, you need to move your car. It’s not in a designated parking spot. We need those carts, and you cannot stay parked there.”

(The customer eventually moved their car. But it took my poor manager twenty minutes to explain to them why they couldn’t park there. And they STILL didn’t understand what was wrong.)


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Well, That’s A Whole New Ball Game

, , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I work at a popular drug store. I answer the phone one evening.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do y’all sell ball deodorant?”

Me: “Oh! You mean the roll-on kind?”

Customer:No! Deodorant for your balls.”

Me: “Um… No, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

Getting Her Panties In A Twist

, , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I have quite a few people from other countries come into my store. It is pretty common for us to attempt to communicate with charades. I am working the service desk, and a woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “I need strippas.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “STRIPPAS! I need strippas for my panties!”

(I am staring at her as though she is insane.)

Me: “I don’t believe we sell strippers here…”

(She then takes a bag and demonstrates what panties are by holding it against herself.)

Customer: “Strippas for elastic. My elastic no good. Need strippas.”

(I figured she was talking about elastic coming out of her panties. So, I pointed her toward the fabric counter. A few minutes later she ran out of the store, screaming, “TOO MUCH!”)

Winter Is Coming…

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2018

(It’s the Fourth of July and I’m working the register. A woman in her mid-50s comes up to me.)

Customer: “Where are your winter coats?”

Me: *taken aback* “What?”

Customer: “Your winter coats! I’m looking for them.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re not selling any right now. You’re welcome to check the 70%-off rack, since that’s from last winter, but other than that, I’m afraid they won’t be in for a while.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you get the seasons in early.”

Me: “It’s true, we do get clothing for each season in early, but it’s July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… we won’t even be getting the fall stuff until the end of this month.”

Customer: “Well, then, where am I supposed to get a winter coat?”

Me: *trying to be helpful* “Well, I’m sure you could check [Thrift Store] in [Town ten miles away]. They should have out-of-season stuff.”

Customer: *angry* “I don’t drive! I need something here!”

Me: “Okay, well, you could check [Famous Outdoor Sporting Company]. I know they ship right to your house.”

Customer: “I don’t want to order anything! I want something here!

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have any winter coats except what few are left on clearance.”

Customer: “But why don’t you have anything now?

Me: *fed up* “Because it’s July.”

(The woman storms out. My manager comes over, having seen her leave angrily.)

Manager: “What was that about?”

Me: “She was mad because we didn’t have any winter coats.”

Manager: “Did you tell her to check the clearance racks?”

Me: “Yup. She was mad we didn’t have new ones.”

Manager: “But… it’s July.”

Me: “Believe me, I know.”

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