Really Hope It’s To Go

, , , , , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(I work in a food court inside an office building. Our customers are the building’s employees. Some of them are nice and friendly, but a lot are condescending and rude to us every day because they can get away with it. It doesn’t take me long to get fed up with their nastiness.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “One slice of cheese pizza.”

Me: “Will that be for here or to go?”

Customer: *in a loud, angry, nasty voice* “ONE! SLICE! OF! CHEESE! PIZZA!”

Me: *in same voice as customer* “FOR! HERE! OR! TO! GO!”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry. To go.”

(Somehow I did not get reported and fired for that, and soon moved on to a job with less abuse.)

He Is All Talk… And That’s It

, , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(I work for a cell phone retailer. An older gentleman comes into the store and states that he has lost his phone. We go over the process of checking if he has insurance on his device, as well as going through the steps for filing a claim. He opts to file the claim in-store. While going through the automated steps on the phone with the insurance company, and as we are issuing him a loaner device, we hear things like this:)

Customer: “Why do I have to talk to a robot?”

Customer: “These d*** robots are taking over everything!”

Customer: “I don’t understand what this robot is asking me.”

(Not many people enjoy automated systems, so though this is a wee bit strange and annoying, it is understandable. Once his claim is filed, we begin to issue him a loaner phone. Since one of our devices is malfunctioning, we have to remove that one and activate another one. While thanking him for being patient as we do this, he completely ignores us, which we don’t mind. He is muttering profanities as well as having a full on conversation — with no one. My manager and I exchange confused looks. My manager then pulls up the memo pad on the computer while waiting for the claim to fall through. I think she is making account notes, but she is actually writing a message for me to read over her shoulder. She writes:)

Manager: “I’m pretty sure he’s talking to himself…”

This House Was Built On Plywood And Fraud

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(I am a manager of a moderate-sized building supply store. We sell everything you need to build a house from the ground up. While the company is fairly sizable and modern, we still write up all our invoices by hand, with no computer system in place.)

Employee: “Um, [My Name], can you please help this gentleman?”

Me: *coming over to assist* “Not a problem. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Can I buy two culverts and have you write up the invoice for plywood instead?”

Me: *a little confused* “Sorry? You want me to sell you some culvert and some plywood?”

Customer: “No, I want to buy some culvert, but I don’t want the invoice to say, ‘culvert.’ If you could write up an invoice for an amount of plywood that equals the value of two culverts, then I will take the culvert and not take any plywood.”

Me: *thinking that he is joking* “I’m sorry. We can’t do something like that.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because it is fraudulent and unethical.”

Customer: “Yes, you can do it. Can’t you?”

Me: “No, sir, I am not able to do this.”

Customer: “But why not?”

Me: “Because, if it were found out, or if we were audited, we could be charged and face jail time. So, again, I’m sorry, but I am not going to do this.”

(A couple of moments of awkward silence pass.)

Customer: “Okay, I guess I will have to bite the bullet and get them, anyway. I am trying to write the culverts off, but I guess I’m not going to be able to.”

(I finish the sale, flabbergasted at the gall this customer had to ask me to commit fraud and break the law. This incident was immediately followed by a quick information session to the staff about why it is bad and to never, ever, do anything of the sort.)

Thanksgiving Has Become A Punchline

| WI, USA | Right | November 23, 2017

(I am shopping at a store that I used to work at and chatting with a cashier.)

Me: “I can’t believe they make you guys work on Thanksgiving! Glad I got out of the business!”

Cashier: “Yeah, it sucks. So do you plan on shopping on ‘Brown Thursday’?”

Me: “’Brown Thursday’? Why do you call it that?”

Cashier: “Because it’s really crappy that we have to work on Thanksgiving.”

(Touche!)

Time For Everyone To Go Home

, , , , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(One afternoon I am doing a bit of cleaning around the fast food restaurant where I work, getting ready for my shift to end, when a really weird customer comes up to the counter. He seems like he is drunk, or possibly high, and isn’t making much sense. My manager goes over to help him.)

Customer: “Phone?”

(My manager looks at him, confused. She has to talk to him a bit before she eventually figures out that the customer wants to use our company phone to call for a taxi to take him home. My manager eventually agrees to this and calls a cab company. However, when I get off my shift some time later, I find out that the taxi never arrived for some reason. I brush this off, clock out of work, and walk out to my car alone when I hear a voice behind me.)

Customer: “Hey, mister? Ten dollars.”

(I’m a woman, and I think this guy is about to mug me.)

Me: “Uh, sorry. I don’t have ten dollars.”

Customer: “No. I’ll give you ten dollars if you drive me to my house.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Customer: “Twenty dollars.”

Me: “No.”

(The customer wanders back to the restaurant. I get in my car and am about to drive away when, suddenly, the tiny parking lot becomes packed with cars and I am trapped in the middle of it. I wait for the traffic jam to clear. Then I hear someone banging on my passenger side window. I nearly jump out of my skin and look over to see it is the drunk guy pounding on my door.)

Customer: “Please take me home.”

Me: “NO!”

(As soon as the parking lot cleared up, I raced home as fast as I possibly could.)

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