Thinking Outside The Gender Toybox

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A woman calls the store with a question about a return.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I was just wondering if I could bring an item in for return without the receipt?”

Me: “We accept most things for return without a receipt for store credit, but what’s the item?”

Woman: “Well, my little boy came to the store the other day with his grandma and he picked out a girl’s toy. Despite my telling his grandmother not to let him buy things like that, she let him, anyway. And he ripped into the box before I could take it away from him, so it’s slightly ripped on the corner. I wasn’t sure if I could still return it, since the packaging is damaged and I don’t have the receipt. Really, I just want to exchange it for an appropriate toy for a boy. Can I do that? “

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, yeah, that should be fine.”

Woman: “Great! I’ll be in soon!”

(I end the call, shake my head in wonder, and go on with my day. A few hours later, the woman comes in to return the item, which for the record IS a popular, girly, pink toy, but it’s one that I’ve seen both girls and boys buy.)

Woman: “Were you the lady I talked to on the phone earlier?”

Me: “I believe so. You wanted to return this for store credit, right?”

Woman: “Uh, no. I want cash back for it.”

Me: “Oh. Err, I might be able to look up the transaction. Did you pay with [various methods of payment]?”

Woman: “No, it wasn’t me that bought it, remember? It was his grandmother. Also, it was his birthday money, so it would have been cash. But I know what time and day they came here; is that enough to go by?”

(It is, though it takes a long time and I have other customers, so a coworker comes over to help. The entire time my coworker is looking for the transaction, the woman is talking.)

Woman: “It’s hilarious that he keeps getting this stuff. He’s only in second grade, but keeps choosing these pink and purple girl’s toys no matter what I do! His grandmother is no help; in fact, she encourages it! The only thing I can think of is that he’s trying to impress the girls at school, and we just can’t have that, now, can we?”

(My coworker eventually found the woman’s receipt and returned the item. When everything was finally done, she ended up buying a cheap black and blue toy monster truck, making sure to mention how much more he’d like that toy than the silly pink one. I feel sorry for the poor kid.)

Read The Email; That’s The Ticket!

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(It is a policy at our venue that if you buy tickets online and pick them up in the box office, you must show the purchaser’s ID or the credit card they used, even if they are not present. “So-and-so said I could have their tickets,” is not a valid excuse.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up tickets for [Buyer].”

Me: “Okay, can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not me. He’s not coming, so he said I could have the tickets.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I need to see [Buyer]’s ID or his credit card in order to give you his tickets.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay; he gave me permission. Here, it’s written right here.”

(He hands me a folded piece of paper through the ticket slot. I open it to find a printed screenshot of an email, the right half of which is cut off so I can’t even read the whole message.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this doesn’t really tell me anything. I can’t let you have those tickets without an ID.”

(I hand him the paper back through the window.)

Customer: *getting angry* “Look, if you’ll just read it, it says right here. He is letting me have his tickets because he can’t make it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no way of knowing who that email is from or who it is addressed to, and half of it is cut off.”

Customer: *trying to shove the paper back through the window* “Just read it! It says right here!”

Me: “I can’t accept this. You’ll need to get his ID or credit card, or I can’t give you the tickets.”

(He snatches the paper back without a word. I watch as he goes over to the venue entrance and waves the paper in the poor ticket-taker’s face until a manager shows up. The manager takes a look for himself, says something to the customer, and then disappears around the corner and comes into the box office.)

Manager: “Let him have the tickets. That paper is bulls***, but I know the guy who bought the tickets, and I know he ended up not being able to come.”

(I find the tickets and hand them to the customer.)

Customer: “There, see? If you had just read the email this would have been so much easier!”

How Tired Is Your Soul?

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A customer of about college age comes in to the store. We’re going to close the store in ten minutes and it’s dark out.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I have the souls of the innocent, please?”

Me: *confused* “Er… could you repeat that, sir?”

Customer: *slightly irritated* “Can I have the souls of the d***ed, please?”

Me: “Sir, we’re a fast food place, and we don’t dabble in black magic of any kind.”

Customer: “What?”

(I then notice the dark bags under his eyes and realise he’s either high, tired, or both.)

Me: “You asked for the souls of the innocent?”

Customer: “S***. Sorry, I haven’t slept properly since Monday… seven years ago.”

Me: *laughs* “Well, it’s okay. What can I actually get you?”

(The rest of the order went without a hitch, but he was very embarrassed and apologised the entire time he was in the store.)

Bad Guests Are Notoriously Nefarious

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A guest has been telling me a VERY rambling story in which he describes his friend as “nefarious” — I think he actually means “notorious,” based on context, but I digress. Then, he turns to me, and in the most condescending tone I have ever heard, says:)

Guest: “Do you know that word? Nefarious?”

Me: “I do.”

Guest: *drawing back in mock surprise* “Wow! That’s a hard word! That’s a college word! Good for you!”

Me: *turns back to my paperwork and tries very hard not to punch him*

 

404 Error: Brain Not Found

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(I’m the brain-dead customer in this one. I had new Internet service set up today, but when I try using it, the speed is less than 10% of what it should be, so I call the cable company I subscribe through. After explaining the situation:)

Representative: “What are you trying to connect to?”

Me: “The Internet.”

Representative: *pause* “I know that.”

(I have no defense to offer for myself.)

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