What Can I Say Except You’re Welcome?

, , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I am demonstrating a food item at a warehouse store when this young woman comes to my table and grabs a sample off my table without even acknowledging me or the product. She is also talking on her phone. I acknowledge her:)

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Customer: *turns to me and says* “What? I DIDN’T SAY, ‘THANK YOU’!”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I thought you did!”

(Talk about being rude!)


“Tempted By Flesh,” Now On Kindle!

, , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(A customer comes in with his tablet; he’s been having a lot of problems with his eBook account and wants a hand.)

Customer: “Can you please help me get this book onto my account? I bought it the other day but can’t see it. The book in there should be [Christian-based book about Jesus].”

(I go through the app and cannot find any trace of the book.)

Me: “I cannot seem to find the book anywhere. Do you mind if I access your web browser so I can have a look at your settings for your eBook account?”

(The customer had no problem with the gesture. I went to open up the browser. About ten porn tabs were already open. I looked up at the old man and quickly exited the browser, as there were customers behind him who probably saw it. He didn’t even looked phased or embarrassed; he just stood there.)


Not Even Close, No Cigar

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(My town has recently enacted a carding regulation that requires everyone purchasing alcohol or tobacco products to have a valid picture ID. There is one customer in front of me and one behind me. The man behind me is dressed in his police uniform and his radio is occasionally crackling, making his presence very obvious.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to buy these cigars.”

Cashier: “Okay, I just need to see some ID.”

Customer #1: “They’re cigars; why do I need ID?”

Cashier: “We must card everyone who purchases tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “But I look over 18.”

Cashier: “Yes, but we must card everyone attempting to purchase alcohol or tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “That’s stupid. Cigars aren’t tobacco products.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but they are. Cigars contain tobacco, making them a tobacco product, and I must see a valid ID before I can sell them to you.”

Customer #1: “But they’re cigars. The tobacco doesn’t stay in them; you take it out and fill it with weed.”

Cashier: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “Not without my cigars.”

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer #2: “Sir, I suggest you leave before I decide you have given me probable cause to search your person.”

Customer #1: “Not until she sells me the cigars. I’m over 18, and I don’t want to smoke the tobacco, anyway.”

Me: “You realize it is still illegal in the state of Missouri to smoke marijuana, right?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but that’s why you put them in cigars. The cops can’t figure it out.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?” *I hook my thumb at the man behind me* “You just told everyone in the store you were going to empty them out and fill them with pot. That includes him.”

Customer #1: “Oh, here’s my ID.”

(He bought his cigars and walked out of the store. [Customer #2] put his purchases on the counter and followed him out. As I left, [Customer #1] was arguing with the police officer about the morality of marijuana being illegal.)

Less Intelligent Than A Potato

, , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I work at a well-known convenience store on the east coast that includes a deli, offering sandwiches, soups, and sides. This occurs about 20 minutes after a customer picks up his order for two soups.)

Customer: “I came in earlier and ordered a baked potato soup and a chicken corn chowder, but you gave me two corn chowders, instead.”

Me: “Sorry about that. Let me just go grab your soup.”

(He hands me the container of corn chowder and I exchange it for the same size of baked potato soup.)

Customer: *yelling* “You did it again! You gave me the wrong soup! What’s wrong with you?”

Me: *checking it, just to be sure* “Sir, I’m confident that this is the baked potato soup.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? This is chicken corn chowder.”

Me: *trying not to sound like an a**hole* “Sir, the chicken corn chowder has corn and chicken in it. You can see there’s no corn in this; it has potato and bacon in it like it says on the menu.”

Customer: “What? I… That isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the baked potato!”

Me: *racking my brain* “Well, that’s what I just gave you… Did you want… mashed potatoes?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The kicker? He must have eaten an entire container of soup, thinking it was corn chowder, that contained absolutely none of the same ingredients. It doesn’t even have any corn.)

It’s Soy Bad For You!

, , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I work at a popular smoothie shop where we have two kinds of protein powder customers can add. Most people just say “protein” and I have to ask them to specify.)

Me: “Would you like to put any [extras] in that today?”

Customer: “Yeah, protein.”

Me: “Is that whey or soy protein?”

Customer: *looking very serious* “Oh, whey, of course. Soy is very bad for you, you know.”

(I don’t know how I manage to keep a straight face, but I finish the transaction in perfect professionalism, hand him the key to the bathroom when he requests it, and go straight to the shift leader once he’s disappeared.)

Me: “That guy just told me he definitely wanted whey protein because, and I quote, ‘soy is bad for you.’”

Shift Leader: “You mean the guy who just came in smelling like a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “Yup! That guy!”

(Our whole store smelled like cigarette smoke for a good ten minutes after he left. But, “soy is bad for you!”)

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